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In no particular order, I’ve had someone ask me why my profile picture doesn’t show all of my face, before helpfully suggesting it was because I was an “ugly black girl”. More than one person has asked me if it’s true “what they say about black girls”. Several have asked me: “So where do you really come from?” And these were just the straight-up, old-school racist ones. I’ve also had messages from specific skin-colour fetishists, who have complimented my “delicious brown skin”, and despite a profile picture in which I am eating a crisp, “Nubian queenly countenance” (I wish I was joking). I’m not alone: one woman who uses online dating sites, Lola, found it disconcerting that she was approached by men who were obviously interested in just her skin colour. “They haven’t read your profile and don’t have anything in common with you,” she says. “At one point, three friends and I, all black, were on one site and all kept getting hit on by the same guys, regardless of the fact that we are very, very different people.” She describes being viewed as “low-hanging fruit”. She adds: “On these sites, black women seem to be considered least aspirational and/or attractive. Not a single black male professional has ever contacted me. The white guys have all seemed to be fetishists, and there have been assumptions that I must have a ‘thick’ body, and that I must go to church. In one case, a guy in his first email asked me to do a threesome. The men who approach you think you must be desperate and therefore a sure thing.”

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Dating agency for black professionals

Dating agency for black professionals